Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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