does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
