also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize