Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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