No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
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