One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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