i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
