roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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