dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
