i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You're like the curious george of whores
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
