Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
