If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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