you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize