so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize