You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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