I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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