I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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