rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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