With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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