You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize