Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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