I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize