fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
