At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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