i need an iv and a liver transplant
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
