try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
