I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
