so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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