I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
