garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
