you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
