Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
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