I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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