I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
