you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
