and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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