I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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