I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
