My room smells like vodka and shame
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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