and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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