ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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