Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Green mimosas i think yes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
