Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
