fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
