4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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