Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I am one with the molecules
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
