You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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