TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
