He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
