I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
