I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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