8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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