Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
