he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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