So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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