I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
