i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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