Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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