You made me cry and you don't even care
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
