if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
