yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
