as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
