I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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