you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
