all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize