Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this boner is exhausting
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
