Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
