I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
