you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
