see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Actions speak louder than pants.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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