Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..

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(314): View more from Missouri

Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty

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(240): View more from Maryland

Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.

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(630): View more from Illinois

Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases

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(303): View more from Colorado

Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.

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(435): View more from Utah

The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.

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(925): View more from California

You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.

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