I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
